Healthy relationships part 2:
So… we are following what the Government says, by social distancing, not gathering together, etc…and I’m guessing, you are realising how much you miss the people in your world! I know I am…I miss y’all! And when you have connected with people (e.g. zoom, fb, etc…) it feels sooo good! We have a new appreciation of just how much relationships mean to us!
Relationships are essential in our lives –“we think about them, talk about them and experience them!” This is because God created us for relationships. God created us to be in relationship with Him and to be in relationship with others. But, not just any type of relationship; God created us for healthy relationships!
But, wait for it…God also created us with the capacity to choose. We choose how we act in our relationships. We are made to take responsibility for ourselves. We can’t change others and we can’t control others. We can only control what we do.
Welcome to the second installment on healthy relationships! We are going to build on the introduction but, first, to recap:
There are many components in relationships, but there are four components that are essential for a healthy relationship:
• Love (the appealing component) includes: “commitment, choice, work, care, liking, kindness, affection, service, attention, compassion, and generosity”
• Trust (“the most fragile of all the components”) includes: “confidence in loyalty, honesty, faithfulness, reliability, courage, and consistency.” Trust takes time to develop and if broken, it takes a long time for it to be restored”
• Respect (“the most neglected”) is: “the acknowledgement of a person’s worth. It includes honour, interest in, regard, recognition, admiration, and affirmation”
• Understanding (takes the longest to develop) includes: “knowledge, assertiveness, empathy, listening, openness, self-disclosure, sympathy, encouragement, insight, communication, and discernment”
Did you notice something significant about the components as you read through them?
They have differences, e.g., they don’t all have the same appeal and they don’t all develop at the same rate:
• Love is the appealing component
• Trust is the most fragile of all the components
• Respect is the most neglected; and
• Understanding takes the longest to develop
Because each component has differences, we can see how easy it is for the components to be unbalanced, with one component being stronger than another component. We need all four components in our relationships, if just one component is missing or out of balance…people become wounded.
A stronger component can’t make up for the weakness of another component, e.g. understanding can’t make up for a lack of respect. The weaker components have to be worked on and all four components have to be in balance for us to develop and maintain healthy relationships.
Additionally, if we have been wounded in life (which we have, we live in a fallen world), it can be hard for us to have all four components in our relationships. But, dear one, if this is true of you, be encouraged, God loves you and cares about the pain you have been through and He wants to bring healing in your life! God has a future and a hope for you! He came that you might have life, and not a life of just being in survival mode, but a life of abundance in Him!
During this ‘stay at home’ time, people are doing amazing jobs on improving their homes. Cleaning their homes out. Some are working to make their homes a little cozier, while others are updating the style. Some have worked to create spaces that feel safe and secure, while others have created a space to relax. Everyone working on their homes made a choice to improve their homes, because they saw how it would change their living conditions. They saw the need for change to make things work.
Each home improvement made a difference. It enhanced the occupants’ quality of living. Will you join me (yes, I’m going to do it), for a different type of home improvement? It’ll focus on the most valuable treasure in your home – you and the precious ones you live with (it is for all your relationships). And, dear one, if you live alone, it is for you and all your relationships!
If you put in the work (just like you do for your home improvement), it will transform the space you live in. This type of home improvement will focus on your relationships. “If something is not working, do something different…” It could be your relationships need reorganising or maintenance, or renovation. Just like a ‘home reno’ improves your living conditions and how you ‘do life.’ Choosing to do this will improve the quality of your home life…because of God. God can move in your life and your relationships!
We can invite God into our relationships. We can ask Him to help us develop and maintain healthy, satisfying, and growing relationships! I’m looking forward to journeying with you as we, “stay connected” with God, family, and the precious people God has put in our lives!
References:
Arterburn, S. 6 things every healthy relationship needs
Litchfield, B., & Litchfield, N. Christian Counselling and Family Therapy, Volume 1.
Smalley, G. The DNA of relationships: Discover how you are designed for satisfying relationships.
Wright, H.N. Relationships that work [and those that don’t].